First and foremost let me say that for many AA is the tried and true way to get and stay sober. And I’ll admit I went to a couple of meetings the first week of my sobriety journey. It wasn’t for me, which meant that I needed to find a plan if I wanted to really live a sober life.
First things first, while this isn’t part of the “5 Things” I did clean all the beer out of our house and I downloaded a sobriety app to my phone. The app is like $20 a year and gives me a morning boost and evening check-in. That app DID lead to the Number 1 thing on my list:
- Find Your Why – Every morning my App pops up at 7am with the “WHY” that I typed out over a year ago and still rings true today. Here was and continues to be my why: I want to keep my family, build a strong marriage with my wife. Have better physical health and free myself from the mental strains that alcohol puts on me.
Everyone’s why will be and look different. There is a reason over 90% of people get divorced when losing a child. It’s literally the hardest thing any couple can go through. And somewhere along the way I started drinking waaaaay toooooo many beers to drown my sadness. My sadness of losing Hallie, my sadness of losing the version of Angie I married, my sadness that our Crew which I loved so much could no longer be the same. And what came with that was me getting fatter (added 20-25lbs from when Angie and I first met), constantly being in my head and when you’re already depressed about all the things I was depressed about, the alcohol numbed it until the next morning’s slow start…then the depression was worse than before.
Angie was pulling away dealing with grief in her own ways and with alcohol becoming my chief coping mechanism I could see where the train was headed. But what I will say is that when I could see the collision coming up ahead God was good to me in that he allowed me to finally say enough. To admit first to my counselor and then to my wife, followed by several close friends that I needed to stop drinking. I didn’t know what the journey would look like, but I knew that I either had to stop or the crash was inevitable.
And so my why became simple, to build a strong marriage with my wife and to show up well for my kids. That has continued to be my driving factor over a year later.
- Start walking and don’t stop walking – When I started paying attention to the times I would crave a beer there was a common theme. I was bored. Really. I was bored. So might as well drink a couple beers which became 6 and often 12. So when the cravings hit the first 7, 14, 21 days and on I would start walking. It’s true what the research says, our cravings typically only last about 15 minutes. So if you can get thru 15 minutes, more often than not you’ve ridden the wave and the craving has passed.
At this point I started using walking in a couple of different ways. Every 1-2 weeks I try to walk with another Christian male to talk about life. To share our struggles and also what is going well in our lives. Often we pray together and we all agree that it’s time better spent than just having a cup of coffee! I also walk and listen to Christian podcasts or pray. I’ve even advanced to some times just listening to nature. And finally I do often still put on imaginary concerts in my brain. I’m pretty sure I’ve built out an entire set list if I ever found a band to play with. I can’t tell you how many miles I walked/jogged from August 2024 thru the end of the year but I can tell you that I’m right at 600 miles so far since January 1st of this year. Walking was the mental release I have needed to keep me calm, to process my feelings and emotions that I was using alcohol to just numb. Add in that it’s also great for overall physical health and it’s a super win.
- Walking led into number 3 and that’s to hit the gym regularly. On top of walking almost daily I hit the gym around 5 times per week. I’m blessed to have 2 really good personal trainers, Michael and Jerrell who early on loved that I was embracing an alcohol free lifestyle and they were regularly making sure I stayed on that path. Michael reminded me that only the ELITE could be alcohol free and something about him saying that felt like a challenge. The gym is obviously another way to kill off the cravings. And combined with walking I’ve lost 30-33lbs and feel like I’ve had a complete body transformation. Seeing the changes in my body after 3 months, then 6 and now for a full year is motivation to keep going. It’s helped me to realize that alcohol truly is choosing to put a poison into your body. Why would we ever poison ourselves willingly? And yet I did that for 25 years…slowly poisoning myself. Crazy to think about.
- A good Counselor – Find a good counselor. I’m not talking about someone who listens and nods their head for a solid hour. I’m talking about someone who gets into the weeds with you to discover your why? Why are you drinking? Why do you want to stop? What things help you and what things should you avoid? A good counselor adds commentary and gives you TOOLS to put in your Life Toolbox. Something to pull out when you get triggered. Something to use when you don’t know where to turn. A good counselor doesn’t just say “that’s hard, let’s talk more next time.” They say, “Here are some things I think you can try and some things you can work on when these feelings or cravings arrive”. Find that kind of counselor and it will help immensely in your sober lifestyle.
5. Competition – My life has revolved around sports. I loved competing. It always lit a fire that made me want to succeed and be the best. Two things happened in this area for me and this won’t work for everyone because not everyone thrives on competition but for me this became some fuel that I would turn to. The first thing is when my trainer Michael said early on that lots of people can stop for 60-90 days BUT to truly quit drinking was only for the Elite. That just stuck with me like an old married couple. I wanted to be Elite. And two, I’m competitive with others and one of my sisters had gotten sober a few years earlier and in my mind there was NOTHING in this world that she could do that I couldn’t also do. I mean think about sibling rivalry, if she could be sober then I sure as hell could do the same.
I’m sure not all 5 of these things are for everyone who’s considering living a sober lifestyle but if you are even thinking about living sober let me throw a few more benefits at you. I’m pretty sure I’ve saved between 3-4K in alcohol over the last year (2 beers eating out these days is about $15 and 2 Margaritas is like $25). 30-60 days in I started sleeping better and that has been amazing because it’s led to other benefits like having more energy and what I believe to be a much sharper mind! And my wife, kids and co-workers all seem to believe that I’m more pleasant to be around!
So that’s where I started and how I’ve gotten to where I am today. If you want to learn more I’m happy to go on a walk with you.
Aric